B.O.R.E.D.
I've never been this bored... Ever. These are the times you have to worry about, because bored means bad things can happen. Start drinking in the middle of the day, that sort of thing. Nothing says, "Productive member of society" like seeing some guy buying cheap, vast amounts of beer around noon.

Last time I was this bored I wanted to see how many movies I could see in a week. I ended up watching movies like "Predator 2" and "Silver Bullet." I'm not sure why. But I'm also not sure why I wasn't blessed with the charisma of George Clooney. One time I saw him being interviewed on E! by Jules Asner, and it seemed like she had to use all of her will power not to have sex with him right there... Hey, I never realized it before, but I wonder if Jules Asner is related to Ed Asner. And if so, how come we haven't heard anything about "The Asner Family Dynasty?" Why haven't I ever had a conversation that went like this:

ME
Say, that woman is lovely, and holding her own during this interview!

SOME RANDOM DUDE
Well, she's an Asner.

ME
Oh, that explains it!

It's day 28, and I am still going skrong. But egads, am I bored.

A term I haven't heard in a few months is the term Metrosexual, and I couldn't be happier. I've always hated that term. It gave douche bag guys license to act like women and I'm glad the trend seems to be dying if not completely dead. And the whole thing really screwed up my gaydar. It's still out of whack, and trust me, it's embarrassing to both parties when you think a dude is gay, so you say something, and he isn't. When I was younger I wouldn't have cared. "It's YOUR fault you're such a girl!" And then I totally would have made out with my hot girlfriend.

Still kickin' it like Bryon Allen and haven't eaten meat. It's almost been a month. Mary found out this weekend what I've been doing, and it was great talking to her. Such an awesome person. She deserves the best-est stuff. I don't think she believed me when I told her I went vegetarian for her. I would have liked to have been at least two moths in before she found out, but what's a sexy beast supposed to do?

Below is a picture of invisible Abraham Lincoln and invisible Superman fighting in my parent's kitchen. I can't believe I caught it on film, either.

Jan 16


I am white. But sometimes I wish I was another race, so I could yell at people for no reason. Here's an example. A woman walks by me as I stare at different cereals. I talk to myself about the subtle nuances between Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Puffs as this woman walks by me, and I catch her staring at me. I then say, "What!?" And she would say, "Nothing." And try to walk away. But then I get in her way and say, "What's the problem?! You act like you've never seen an Eskimo shop for cereal before!" And then she would say, "Actually, I HAVEN'T ever seen an Eskimo shop for cereal before." And then I would say, "You don't say that word! That's OUR word!" And she would run away crying, and I would smile a sly, Eskimo smile.

Oh, and I still haven't broken the veg thang. I've started thinking about telling Mary about the "Vegetarian Resolution" at the end of next month.

Jan. 15
Ha ha! Yeah! Take that, mad cow! I laugh at mad cow disease, because it's something that people who eat meat have to contend with. And I haven't eaten meat in like, 15 days, but for some reason, two weeks and a day sounds more impressive. It's sort of like when you hear someone brag about the size of their wang. "The size of a McDonald's cheeseburger" sounds better than "surprizingly small."

Jan 8
My arms are killing me, I almost got crushed by a 900 lb. pit box, I ran over a deer, and I have to be up at 4:30a. And tomorrow is going to be a tough one. I told people my pizza story from last night and they laughed a lot. I'm really quite funny.

Jan 8
Had my first real, prissy, girl-like vegetarian moment today. At work, we were working late, and my boss decides he's going to get pizza. So when he says, "Good news, I got pizza." I ask, "What kind did you get?" He replies, "The works and pepperoni." I then make a giant girl noise where I suck air through my teeth and he says, "What? What did you want?" And I said, "Cheese?" I sounded like a girl who just asked a boy if he wanted to see her panties for the first time. He was put out, but got the cheese pizza, and I ate it.

Jan. 7
Here's a sentence I don't think I'll ever say to anyone: "If you need me, I'll be in my lab."

Which is a shame, because I look fantastic in a lab coat.
Another day sans meat. I'm really kicking this vegetarian thing right in it's ass. And I'm talking shit as I do so. "Take that, sucker!"

Right now my thoughts are of my friends, and I hope they're in a good place.

Jan. 6
Lately I've been eating Tums like an editor in a really shitty movie about the newspaper business. Can it be that a lifetime of binge drinking and chain smoking is catching up with me? My guess... Probably not. I've just got to watch it around the veg burgers. I had another one today, it was delish, but now it's kicking my ass.

I just found out I can put pics on this mofo!


This is Maeghan and Rose rockin out at my folks over Christmas.

Still not even close to cheating. Feeling good about this thing.

Jan 5
Keepin It Veal. (Not really.)

Another day with no problem. Today I realized that this is as much for myself as for Mary. I get all the benefits. Skinnier, less sick, and chicks totally dig the vegetarian thing. (Still not looking, but it's nice to know what works.)

Lowe's job ended today, and I met a dude who lived in Windsor, CT. We talked about Torza's driving range.

Jan 4
If today is the first day of the rest of my life, it's gonna be really fucking boring. Working on a commercial for Lowe's Home Improvement, doing the prop job thang, and it's typical of everything production. I shouldn't complain, it's a great job, but hot damn!

The craving for meat weren't too bad today. It was a veggie-burger day, and it was delicious. I'll keep telling myself how great it was.

There's a kid named Carson that I was working with today who's 20 years old, and I can't believe how young he seems to me. He makes dumbass decisions and dreams about getting off work so he can smoke a fat one. I miss that shit.